People in South America are religious - I have never doubted that. Everywhere I go, people are crossing themselves, they carry necklaces with Maria Magdalena and crucifixes, there are churches everywhere and cars are styles with phrases like “God is my friend”. It is clearly a huge difference from home, where people go to church once every year. But in South America, I have been told that God is actually looking for me.

One of the most difficult questions I get asked by local people here in South America, is “do you believe in God”. I do not know how my answer will be perceived by the person asking it, but I manage to answer with my eyes half closed, my head twisted to one side and somewhat pulled back, as if I am waiting for a bomb to explode. “No, I do not believe in God. I believe in myself”, I try to explain to them. “I do not believe in any divine force that control or orchestrate my faith. I believe I create my own destiny and my own path”. For a true believer, I can understand that these statements can be hard to comprehend, but I cannot just say “yes, God is my friend”. Suddenly they want to discuss the content of The Book of Job and I would be revealed as the impostor I clearly was. Honesty pays of, even if it means that it will get me into some sort of trouble.

Having religious discussions in a language I have only spoken for 3 months, is hard work. Especially when you have the discussion with persons that do not reason in a way you are used to, and when you find yourself as being their target for conversion. On my trip I have managed to piss of a reverend and even he wanted to make me realise how big this God character was. I guess I have been asked three or four times how my relation to God is and every time I get into some sort of trouble. I have no problems having religious discussions, but when my vocabulary is limited - especially in the divine way, I have a hard time making my statements convincing and I feel like being reduced to a small boy sitting on a chair nodding his head to the master of wisdom. “Yes, master, I understand. Yes, master, I see your point”. Inside I just want to get out of the discussion, but the fact is, that it is challenging as hell - I apologise for my choice of words. It is challenging not because of the topic, but because of the language. I want to learn Spanish and I learn well when I put myself in the deep end of the pool. Clearly an underdog in a religious situation, this is where my learning curve is steepest and where my braincells thrive.

One of the reasons I am not a religious person, is because religion where I come from is a matter of brain and not of heart. Most people have a literal perception of the bible and the words inside it and to me, that is all bad. I could have chosen to believe with my heart amongst all these brain believers, but I imagine I would have ended up being burned on a bonfire, because of my different believes. Growing up in a very religious part of Norway, I have had my fair share of religious influence. So many times, I have heard the phrases “God says …”, “God disapproves …” and “God prohibits …” and I honestly believe that there are too many people in Norway with a perception of God as being an individual. In South America, the true believers see God in everything. It is a spiritual force that grows inside a tree, rests inside a rock, a soul that helps you lead your life and an omnipresent force influencing all aspects of life. If I would choose to believe at this very moment, I would chose this way of believing, but the rational me - the badly indoctrinated brain believer as I was brought up to be, have a problem with religion being the source of so many bad things as well. To me, religion is a good program implemented very badly amongst the human race. Is that Gods fault?

Since I got to the hostel I am staying right now, the owner and his son has tried to convince me into believing in God. When I was sick the owner actually sat down on my bed praying for me and reading a passage from the bible. It was a nice gesture and I am grateful for the help, but I am not so sure that I believe everything he told me. He told me: “How can you, as one individual, withstand this world alone? When there are greater forces in this world that controls and helps the lives of millions and millions of other people, you have no power to stand on your own. God is looking for you and the way he is doing that, is by getting your attention as if he wants to wake you up. I asked you yesterday if you believed in god, and you replied ‘No, I believe in myself’. Now God have heard you and tries to make you believe. Your illness is his way of getting your attention. He wants you to start looking for him, because he is looking for you. He needs you to believe in him and he wants you to believe in him. God is in everything good. When you called out for help today, God wanted to help you and he did that through me. The good in me is God and he is helping you right now. The only thing he wants you to do, is to start talking to him. You have to talk to him in your own way and he will listen. I do it all the time and I know he is listening. He is helping me all the time and so he will for you, but you have to start believe in him”.

I have no reason to try to discuss any of these statements or values that he has, but I guess his belief is normal for this part of the world. Here, no one talks about religious prohibitions like in Norway. I have never understood why religious people in Norway deny themselves alcohol - in the bible, they drank all the time.

Persistence is apparently a part of being a good catholic in South America, because I have never before been exposed to more heavily religious combats before. Two consecutive days of stereo preaching from both the father and the son in the family and random lectures of good Christian wisdom was in the end a bit tiring. Maybe the father and the son is the manifested God and Jesus and it is in fact true, that now it is my turn on the list of people they are looking for. Maybe it is just a coincidence and they are just fanatics. While staying at the hospital, they were fighting for my attention while they were telling my about the word of God. Most of the convincing slipped off my temporary Teflon brain, but I must give it to them; from streetvendors to beachvendors, from busdrivers to motorcycle cabdrivers, from bartender to Christian - these South Americans have a stamina I have rarely seen. They never take no for an answer and they keep on going like the Duracell bunny, no matter what the cause is. My personal limit of acceptance is when I am spoken to as if I were a small child with no brain of my own. I will not start believing in God because someone is dictating how he is. I will start believing when I am challenged through discussions where I myself, discover the meaning and purpose of believing. I am not a bad person for doing this - it just mean that this God person needs to work a bit harder to convince me.

I have no problem believing that there is a good force in everything around us. That is just a matter of convincing myself into believing that - maybe lie a little to myself to make that happen as well. The problem I have, is that everyone defines this force as “religion” - and I do not approve of the worlds perception of this concept. Hence I will still believe in myself - for now.