There is always another life.

I am relatively young. Comparing to a person living for say 50 years, I am still considered very young. Actually fantastically young. Some would say, that I have only been living for a split second, and my development can be traced by nanoseconds. Age is a relative thing, though. Time on the other hand, is absolute - but yet not possible to grab onto. Wearing a watch will help you understand the absoluteness of it and you will understand that time is in forward motion only but it will not help you get to feel time. Time is emotionally a neutral sensation - which is where time and age differs. Age can be felt, but no one will reveal the same emotions when asked how it feels. It is all relative - relative to when, where, how, why and relative to whatever surrounds age. Age is, for some, a beautiful thing but a catalyst to depression for others. To me - age is something that passes by so fast, that I have a hard time keeping track of it. There is so many things to do, so many things to conquer, so many places to be, so many others to meet and so many mouths to feed.

"Hey mom, I’ll just run down the river and have a bite to eat with my friends". My surroundings have mostly been safe and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Always around friends, relatives and elderly that can teach me how to get along. The only problem, is that it is mostly theory and the training comes first when the first adventure start. Leaving home to meet friends is a regular thing to do and no danger were associated with it. "All right, love. Put a hat on, it’s a bit chilly. Don’t want to freeze that braincell of yours". Why does everyone have to make fun of my braincell? I know, I am not the brainiest around, but why talk about it out loud? I will take a hat on, but only because it makes me look cool. I won’t be warmer of colder if I wear it and I will definitely not get any smarter wearing it. I want to wear my "River Phoenix fan club" hat. I like that hat because it reminds me of home; rivers and … well … mainly rivers. Don’t know what the "fan club" really is or what the "Phoenix" really does, but the River is nice. I found it floating around in the river one day and me and my friends tried it on. It looked best on me, though, so I was the lucky one. Now everyone is a bit envious and I like the attention it gives me. I feel important, but yet kind of lame. It feels way to big for me and I haven’t really looked properly at myself wearing it. I don’t care, though. I don’t really care what other people think or say. If they want to judge, they can judge - I’m not the one to stop them. "OK mom - I will!!".

This morning was a bit different than normal. Going downstream, like I normally would, I wanted to get to my regular hang out where my and my friends gathered to play. Swimming, hiding, floating around doing nothing and just relax not expecting any danger. It is safe here in the coolness of the river. The banks surrounding it are a bit overgrown with bushes, trees and grass, but there are spots around where many people like to spend time. There are small paths everywhere - some made by animals and some made by humans, but not with the usage of heavy machinery, though. This is a quiet place and the air is crisp, clean and clear. You can smell the forest, you can hear it, you can feel it and you can definitely see it. No man would trespass the unspoiled nature surrounding the river. They should just try. I would defend it with everything I have. It is not much, but I would definitely not observe passively while it happened. Stupid exploiters of nature - greedy fat bastards with smelly shirts and lipstick from several women on their collars. I will make their life a living hell if they get near this place. Money do not scare me.

I don’t really know what happened this morning, though - something caught me, trapped me and made me feel isolated, but I can’t really put my finger on it. The sensation is kind of blue, the sensation is not very big and it is a moving sensation. Nothing seems to be still anymore and everything seems to be moving, differently noisy and it’s getting hotter and hotter. I do not understand this - where am I and what is this sensations that surrounds me? What is the sensation that I live in for the moment and why am I suddenly experiencing it? Is it something I did or something I was going to do? Is it some kind of punishment for the past doings or is it a reward? I really have no idea and the emotions and sensations are mindboggling. I feel alone and no one is here to help. Where are my friends? I didn’t leave the river and everyone was around me. Did they leave while I was submerged, to play with me or to tease me? I still have my hat on - that is comforting. I am not bleeding so I am not hurt which would mean that I have not hit my braincell. Stupid braincell! Now I have been influenced by everyone mocking it and now I talk about it in the same way as everyone else. Never underestimate the power of negative influence.

A short joyride, seems like an amusement park and I find myself beeing in the middle of a feast. There is food here enough to feed me a thousand times. The blue sensation has somehow become slightly red. Beeing warm, comfortable and less in motion. Still feel relatively isolated, though, but I might know how to bring friends around.

Flesh, meat, carne, tissue, muscles. Bloody, red, juicy, temptingly fresh. Everywhere. Turning into a carnivore, feeding on the surrounding feast. Like a child in a candy store with no ability to control itself. Blood smeared around my mouth and most of my face. Dripping from the tips of my teeth. Count Dracula would admire and envy me. Don’t care if I cause any damage or if I offend someone. There aren’t anyone around anyway. I need to share this, need to bring my friends. Like magic they would appear - seems like they are here in thousands. But I don’t have that many friends? "Hey - partycrashers. Would you most kindly, in the most friendly and peaceful way just fuck off?!". I only want to share this feast with the ones closest to me, with the ones I know and the ones I know would have done the same for me. This is getting out of control and there is blood everywhere. Dripping, floating, streaming, splashing. It mixes with everything here and it all becomes a mush of unpleasant goo. Shit - this was not supposed to happen.

The strangest thing is that there is nothing else here. No pasta, rice, sugar, bread, candy, coffee. The feast is getting more and more strange. Fruits everywhere, though. Fruit and meat? Some new dish? The feeding frenzy won’t stop because of this, though. Meat means feeling full for longer time. Proteins are good for building mass and here are tons of it. No alcohol either? This party is getting more and more boring. But hey - what’s this? Drugs?

Beeing here for too long, I have developed a nasty drug habit. I do feel weaker each day, and it seems like the fixes I get everyday just gets me more and more mellow. The proteins don’t help either - they fill me up and gets me even more drowsy. The so called friends all have the same habit. Where is this place? An opium den in China? We would feed and do drugs. We all get a hit on the same time. Enjoying the high together, floating on top of the unpleasant goo and sadly and occasionally, someone leaves without even saying goodbye. Did they get enough? Did they figure out a way to survive the abuse? Did they pass away or did the just run for freedom while desperately trying a cold turkey? The drugs make me a bit bewildered and my thoughts are not consistent, rational, logical or comprehensible enough to have a conversation. No one could give me the answer to my questions, because the ones beeing here are all the same. Getting lazier by the minute and the sounds of conversation disappears in the distant. Rumors tell me that many feels flushed out, but what does that mean anyway. I can tell that the amount of "friends" is getting smaller and smaller. Is the party over? Has this environment maxed out? Have we taken it too far? Need more drugs, but yet I know it is literally killing me. Can’t sleep, cause I fight for survival and I know that sleeping is the worst enemy when fighting for your own beeing. This have been going on for quite a few days, now. Draining my energy. Need to sleep. Need to let go. I can’t stop it, if this is the end of me.

The isolation seems endless and there is no one here to help. The situation seems hopeless and I can understand why drugs would be used. Drugs help creating another world, another dimension - but it is so dangerous. Drinking or abusing drugs have the same effect. Mushing the mind. Mushing the braincell. There - I said it again. My braincell. My one and only braincell that everyone is laughing about. You are no better than me, though. You are all the same. WE are all the same. There is no difference whatsoever between me, you and everyone else. If you know more than me, so what? Does that make you a better beeing? If you have more money than me, so what? Does money make the nature, the massive realm or the "world as we know it" a better place? Many think money is the key to everything, but they lack the experience in both using it for the good and get the most value for it. Gucci, Armani, Prada, La Perla, Jimmy Choo - brands big enough to feed the world for months and months. What do they really do? They only feed on the vanity and the greed of the consumers. Beeing greedy themselves, tries to create the next necessity for any vain beeing and invent needs that are fake. The world would be a better place without it. Hah - hows that for reasoning from just one braincell?!? It doesn’t work properly, though. It fades. This is my last thought.

My name is Fernando Entamoeba Histolytica. My host is Knut. I live in his stomach - but not anymore. I was a parasite.